My Beginning

I have always been more reserved. When I was seven years old, I was diagnosed with ADHD. I was embarrased by it and didn't want anyone to know that I had problems with learning, especially reading, writing, and math. (Math still scares me.) I kept my ADHD a secret but most people thought I was weird or maybe a little crazy. When I finally opened up about it to my closest friend, at the time, her response was, "so that's what was wrong with you in high school." I realized that my secret wasn't much of a secret and I probably looked worse to people than I thought. Needless to say, I was even more embarrassed and decided that it was time to stop hiding.

Talking about my ADHD was difficult at first. but it became easier to talk about the more I opened up. I can easily talk about it now, and my struggle became an asset with my day job.

My ADHD wasn't my only trial. I have also over come Postpartum Depression after my sister took her own life. My PPD was odd, normally a woman will get it soon after the birth of her child. Mine came a year later. I was told it's because it was triggered with the death of my sister so close to the birth of my son. My mind had this bubble around it for a long time and when it finally burst I was hit with grief, PPD, and my ADHD amplified the emotions.

I was faced with a lot of people myself included not knowing completely what was going on. I found myself crying for help while also living in shame and fear as the people closest to me made accusations and threatened to seperate me from my family. I still remember being looked at with disdain and feeling so alienated that hope was fading fast. I have never fought so hard for my family and myself, there is a reason I refer to that time as, "my dark days".

Years later, when my father Ieft, I took care of my mother as she suffered and later died from her battle with Vascular Dementia. Taking care of someone as they slowly fade away was one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with.

My mother wasn't an easy person to live with when she was whole, yet she taught me to fight for my family. In return I fought for her. I miss her smile, and her stuburn pride, but I know that one day I will be reunited with her again.

Through all of my trials; the ADHD, the PPD, and the death of my mother, one thing remained the same. Everytime I needed an escape, I would write. It sounds strange since writing still isn't something I'm strong in, but it helps to lighten the emotional load off of my shoulders. When the emotions feel so extreme they don't seem real, I place them into a fictional world where I can let everything out. No matter what it is, I give myself permission to feel it. Then later, I clean it up and that too has become a therapy. A reminder that I'm not that emotional mess, I can think clearly and still create this amazing fictional world. Amber's Awakening is most recent thing I have written.

Amber represents the woman I have always wanted to be. While I'm alot more comfortable with the person I am now, I still have things I am self conteous about. Amber has the fire and guts to do things I wish I was brave enough to do.

Olivia represents the person I am now. Even her most devistating moment is reflection of a similar incident I had as a child. Olivia is more emotional than her cousin, just like I can be.

I'm not going to into the other characters yet. There is too much to tell in one blog. Through these blogs I will share my journey as an author, and as a person. I never thought I would become a writer. Now having a published book is one of my biggest dreams.

I invite you to join me on this journey. to go on my highs and lows of writing, rewriting, publishing, and even just a day in my life.

Thank you for joining my pack and sharing this new adventure with me. Until next time, my friends.